Father Hunger

Parenting is like a game where you wake up every few years and find yourself playing a brand new sport that you had no idea was coming, and often aren't completely sure of the rules. And if you have sons *and* daughters you often find you're playing two different sports at the very same time. You work your way through 3rd and 4th grade and the whole thing feels like golf, easy going with the occasional wedge and the need for a swat or two. Suddenly you wake up one morning and all the rules have changed. What were easy conversations or discipline situations suddenly become something else entirely. You show up for what seems like another day of golf-parenting and suddenly your getting whacked in the face with a lacrosse stick. What's necessary in one season isn't the same in the next one. What was merely clear instruction one day, suddenly becomes an overbearing attempt to control your kids. Add to this the further complication that kids are generally convinced their playing an entirely different game than the one they are in. Your 15 year old boy is convinced he could make it in the real world and doesn't need any more help. Your responsible 16 year old daughter is offended when you remind her that she failed to do her dishes after dinner. Parenting should aim at the Christian discipleship of your children, at their flourishing - that they would go farther and be more faithful than you've been.

In the middle of all that, fathers have a unique and vital role to play. And when father's fail or abandon their responsibilities, their are devastating consequences for a family and for society. They are the key to laughter at the dinner table. They hold out the call for their sons to hold the line, to grow into men of courage, and they provide instruction in the pursuit of wisdom. They set an aiming point and show their sons what to spend their lives running toward. Where a mother provides nurture and ensures that all these high-minded ideas touch the ground, the father pulls and helps their sons and daughters imagine the life God might have for them.

Fathering well in the midst of the ever-changing dynamics of parenting is a challenge by itself, but its made harder because too many of us haven't reckoned with the weight of responsibility that comes with being a dad. Too often dad either checks out of doing the relational work, on the ground which his office requires. We work all day, often driven by the projects and work God has given us to do outside the home - compelled by the vision, but we fail to bring our family along. We provide. We're around most evenings and present for the weekends. But there is little direction, less late night conversations on the back porch, and too often, not enough laughter. Your sons, and perhaps, especially your daughters need a thousand conversations about whatever comes up. They need questions. They need your laughter. They need your wisdom. And yes, they at times, will need your discipline - telling them that this was foolish, sinful or just unfruitful. They need you to be interested in what their interested in. I grew up in Texas. Boys who grow up in Texas love football. My son loved soccer and now loves volleyball. It was actually really important that I learned and suddenly became really interested in soccer. Volleyball is harder, but I'll watch his videos of some incredible national player from Japan. Don't check out. Don't just stand back and set broad parameters for your children's formation. Guide them, laugh with them, learn them and learn to delight in the ways God has made them.

Fathers, God has made you the natural and central character in the glory that your children are growing up into. Delight in this responsibility. It is central to what God has made you for. Do it with all your might, and do it laughing loudest.